National Voice Is Muttering

(Writer's Note: In an effort to centralize my anger towards the American sports media, I have decided to write a rebuttal article to every incorrect David Beckham article I find or Brendan sends to me. Today is the great Gene Wojciechowski and his ever brilliant and insightful national voice column.)

The central idea to yesterday's National Voice column is Wojciechowski takes the mainstream role to the David Beckham transfer to the LA Galaxy of the MLS. Firstly, Gene is nice enough to tell us that he wouldn't know "David Beckham if he put a corner kick into his jaw". Well thanks, I'm glad that you wrote an article for the biggest sports outlet in the United States while having no idea about perhaps the most famous athlete in the world. Am I crazy to expect people to have a knowledge of a player they are writing a column about? Also how do you not know who David Beckham is? My next column on Forty Minutes of Hell who is this LeBron James guy and why is he important to me.

I think the worst part of the article is that Gene decides the only way to gain a knowledge of the new LA Galaxy man is to talk to his expert friend, who coincidentally knows nothing about him or football.

"He's best at outside mid because he has a great right foot," says Daniels. "He's great at setting up teammates, when he has time. He's not great at setting up his own shot. But on set pieces, dead-ball pieces, he has a great, special talent for putting it on a head, curving it around the wall. That translates to [TV] highlights" (says writer for the LA Times Christine Daniels).

Well good job Christine you understand the position that David Beckham plays on the soccer field, thats quite suprising. I thought I would give you some credit before I tear you apart. You realize what being a right midfielder entails, great.

"The MLS is Triple-A baseball compared to the major leagues," she says. "It used to be Double-A."

What the fuck does that mean? The MLS consistently beats teams from the Coca Cola Championship in friendly matches. I would bet that the MLS All Stars can beat Celtic in the MLS All-Star game. Quality-wise the MLS has no correlation to minor league baseball. The MLS is the professional league of this country. While not on the level of the elite leagues in the world La Liga, Serie A, and the EPL its still a great league that is getting better and better. Being an anglophile is the best way to be when it comes to being a football fan. Look at me I would rather watch Blackburn play Sunderland than any MLS game, the atmosphere is so much better blah blah blah. Fuck all your American TV and give me some Vicar of Diably or some other stuff English comedy. Look at that its hilarious a man is wearing women's clothes, but I digress.

"So let me get this straight: he won't have Gretzky's impact, he's not one of the top 50 players in the world anymore, and the MLS isn't an elite league," I say (Thats Gene not me I'm not retarded). "This sounds like Michael Jordan going over to England to play hoops -- now."

"That's a good way of putting it," she says

Go fuck yourself. Seriously, you couldn't possibly understand this situation any less. I hate you.

But I've got a bad feeling that six months from now we're going to be asking, "Beckham who?" and "Beckham why?" (says the illustrious Gene Wojo).

You know what you Gene, thats what your going to be writing because you can't and won't understand. Don't try though there is no reason let the football fans have their stupid little league. Go back to writing about what TO should do in June or how great Tony Romo is. Is it too much for me to expect people to actually try when they write articles about a sport. If you don't know what your talking about don't try. Just leave the writing of football columns to some with a funny accent. I hate so many things about the way you are Gene.

Get Some Knowledge on This Beckham Fella

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