Chicken Soup for the Seoul

So today in class we were playing a game in which the first five students to plow though the avalanche of busywork I set up for them received a prize, namely, one piece of candy from the 7/11 on the way to work. Unfortunately, Korean child's tendency to doing all work in a huge group to minimize the actual doing of said work, and the general Korean tendency to never think more than one step ahead, meant that I regularly had kids working in teams of up to 10, for a possible five prizes.

This resulted in the last member of the winning six-girl team to my desk freaking out because of my inability to undermine the very warp and woof of reality and make 6 less than or equal to 5 so that she could get a shitty piece of convenience store candy.

Fortunately, this chick's mom didn't raise no fool, and she quickly figured out a workaround. The workaround? Jumping the other girls as they ate their candy and trying to suck it out of their mouths. Naturally. Of course, there being no gay in Korea, the other girls were less than enthused. They expressed this by spanking the shit out of her and mauling her boobs. May I remind everyone, there is No Gay In Korea.

This is happening about 3 feet from the teacher's desk, myself and Korean Teacher who typifies Korean discipline. Ol' Tight Ship, as I've just this very second taken to calling her, completely ignores the writhing, screaming dykepile on the floor, leaving it to me to handle the situation.

I spend an excruciatingly long second trying to figure out a way of phrasing "Ladies, please stop slapping that girl's ass and squeezing her tits, I have a goddamn lesson on word order here!" in a way that 13-14 year old girls who speak approximately eight words of English can understand, as I am not getting my hands anywhere near this, and decide I can't even acknowledge this is happening without feeling like a total perv.

As I headed into the far corner of the boy's side of the room to get away from that fucking deportation waiting to happen, I notice that most of these frigging clowns can't even be bothered to look up from their games of Kai-Bai-Bo, Jacks, or Beat the Shit Out of Someone Smaller Than You.

I was initially going to talk about how incredulous I was that an eighth grade boy of any nationality would rather play rock paper scissors than watch a third of the females in class have more sex with each other in the middle of 8th period than most of these 'tards have managed in their imaginations, but then I had an epiphany. If that's how oblivious these people can be, there's not really any complaining about the driving, the food, the attention, or lack thereof, in class, anything. It's a wonder they even manage to get their pants on in the first try.

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