Hell Hath No Fury Like a Team Full of Injuries



In case you don't know, or just aren't a fan of them, the Phillies are hurt. Very, very hurt. So hurt that they have started J.D. Durbin and J.A. Happ in two out of their last games. I don't know if you have heard of these two initialed men, but neither have I. Durbin looked atrocious in game one of yesterday's doubleheader against the Mets, and I'm not looking forward to Happ's start against Mets pitcher Jorge 'Not Sammy' Sosa today on NATIONAL TELEVISION.

Why God? Why have you doomed this team? We began the series 3 games back of the old Metropolitans, but now are 5 back, in third place behind the Cox and Balls' Atlanta Tomahawks, and the best we can hope for is breaking even and remaining 3 back of Willie Randolph and the New York Other Team. Of course after Fireballer Happ's start today we get the (Ssshhh) surprisingly strong Kyle Kendrick in the fourth game. But SERIOUSLY!!! When does the pain end?!?!?! I truly know what its like to root for an injury plagued team...plus I have MLB TV so I get to see it live and in person.

The Phils Current Rotation:
1. Cole Hamels (AKA Captain Gopher Ball, but a strong, generally reliable ace(But not last night))
2. Jamie Moyer (AKA Grandpappy- Very Old, unreliable, but decent)
3. Adam Eaton (AKA Adam Eat-Me- Older, unreliable, terrible)
4. Kyle Kendrick (AKA The Rookie- Good thus far, but fairly untested...)
5. AAA Schmuck (AKA Revolving Door of guys they send some other terrible reliever down for)

How would you feel if this was your pitching staff? Probably bad.

Lets look at the facts here:
1) 6 Pitchers Currently on the DL- 2 Relievers, 2 Starters, 1 Closer, and 1 Closer/Starter
2) 1 Other injured, But its Jason Werth'less', so it could be worse.
3) Chris 'East vs. West' Coste (Nickname courtesy of WSBGM's) a Phillie once again! And hit a solo homer before Rod Barajas decided to be Rod Barajas and give J.D. Durbin two more ER's on his immaculate resume.
4) Chase Utley a very good candidate for NL MVP (God bless his UCLA soul)
5) Pat Gillick as GM.
6) Worst of all: Charlie Manuel as Coach.

So, in conclusion, the Phillies are screwed. I'd like to think they aren't, but they are the Phillies, and they play in Philadelphia, so they will enjoy a nice golf filled month come October. Meanwhile, I predict that Bobby 'Suck My' Cox and the Braves will return to former stature and play in October.

...Also, I predict the Pirates will miss the playoffs.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner, unless Baby is a Philly sports team*.

On an unrelated note, I'm at work and just heard Easy Lover on the radio. I thought of you Jason.

*See Sixers '07 draft, 1993 World Series, 2005 Super Bowl, the last 15 years of Flyers hockey, 2006 Phillies, 1980 Eagles, the list goes on and on...

1 Responses to “Hell Hath No Fury Like a Team Full of Injuries”

  1. # Blogger J Cramer

    Grant,

    I believe it should be stated that I just have a great appreciation for the song. I am in no way an Easy Lover. Your not the only one 'cause seeing is believing.  

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