Football is a sport populated by phenomenal athletes that most of the times look like romance novel covermodels. From time to time though some of the ugliest human beings in the world play the "Beautiful Game". The first column in this collection is about the kinf of ugly Franck "Freddy Krueger" Ribery.

Recently, Ribery was transferred to sleeping Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich. Most football fans remember Ribery from the World Cup playing on the left wing for France. He is the heir apparent to the playmaker role of Zidane's on the French National team. On the field Ribery is a tremendous player that combines pacy runs and control passing. Bayern is going to use Ribery to give them more width and pace. Absolutely one of the more entertaining and skillful players on the European scene.

However, never watch a game that Ribery is involved in drunk or on anyother mind-altering drug. Watching Ribery play football is like watching a 90 minute horror movie. The plot appears to be that Ribery uses football skills that he developed after being stabbed in the face with a sodering iron to infiltrate large stadiums. Once in these stadiums Ribery plays 90 minutes of football without incident, then in the locker room he murders backroom staff. At a former club in Turkey he murdered 37 towel boys and one boot changer. During his time at Marseille he went on a Ted Bundy style killing spree in which he buried 12 female attendants in a locker.

So watch out ladies, young boys, and cats of the greater Munich area. You are in store for the greatest killing spree Deutschland has seen since Germany played Argentina in U21 action and Carlos "Carlitos" Tevez killed 14 mastodons with a rock and one of those baseball bat style clubs. Get the joke he looks like a caveman.