Sources Say Tubby Smith Decided on Minnesota Because He is 1/4 Gopher


Tubby Smith had a fabled career at Kentucky, but his recent decision to move to Minnesota and take over Golden Gopher basketball is allegedly now determined to be because Smith is 1/4 gopher. When asked about his heritage, Smith replied 'My family is directly descended from the Northeastern Golden Gopher which is native to the Appalachian Mountains'. This stark revelation was revealed after Smith was seen eating from a patch of grass on a Kentucky horse farm. Smith never denied the rumor, but preferred to keep it a secret in order to pretend to be loyal to Kentucky. Smith actually hates Kentucky, and was just biding his time before his planned return to his roots in Minnesota. Good Ole' Tubbs also said that he can no longer stand Ashely Judd's ridiculous fanship, and that she is quite possibly the worst sports fan ever to exist. He added that she is fake, cannot act, and is fat. Very very fat.

Harsh words from someone who himself could be considered obese, but Smith has always been known for his harsh opinions. Smith is excited about the move to Minnesota, and also the hibernation possibilities afforded to him in Minnesota. With the constant pressure the Kentucky Wildcats put on him to win, he was known to hibernate after a rough season...even if it was summer. He certainly had ample circumstances to hibernate under, being that he had enough extra fat to accommodate not only him but also his eight other family members during the four month hiatus underground.

Finally, after his recent win over Villanova in the NCAA tournament, Smith was quoted as saying 'Too many Wildcats on one court...time to reacquaint myself with my roots. Golden Gophers, don't fear...Tubby's Comin'!'

2 Responses to “Sources Say Tubby Smith Decided on Minnesota Because He is 1/4 Gopher”

  1. # Blogger Jason Cramer

    Ashley Judd has a weird face that bothers me when I watch her movies.  

  2. # Blogger Melby

    the Appalachians aren't in Minnesota. thinking about gophers makes my brain hurt.  

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