3 Reasons Why Jamie Dixon is Better Than Ben Howland...

vs. Big Jagoffosaurus

1) Hair: It doesn't really need too much explanation...Look at the pictures! Howland...has none! Dixon...rumored to spend four and a half hours before a game coiffing his beautiful hairdo, and it pays off! Dixon looks like the next presidential candidate in the 2008 Election while Howland looks like...well...an old man.
VICTOR: Dixon (Hands Down)

2) Icewater:
Again, please note pictures. Jamie has icewater for veins, and Aaron Grey often likes to hold hands with Dixon during timeouts just to cool down before a free throw or otherwise easy shot under the basket. Mike Cook thinks this practice is trivial, but sometimes partakes in it only to enhance his 'cool' factor. Pitt players can always rely on Dixon for a peptalk, and during crunchtime, his emphatic demeanor promotes that winning spirit that is Panther basketball. Howland seems to have absorbed too much of that California sun in his brief tenure at UCLA. As noted from his above mugshot, the man is constantly screaming. Constantly. Jordan Farmar was recently interviewed and the highlight of his interview was quoted as 'Why does Coach Howland hate us so much? I mean, I did score 32 points tonight. That's my career high. I'm gonna go cry in the shower....' Hmm...sounds like a volatile man. Now we know why he has already lost so much hair...

3) Sexuality:
Howland was recently seen outside Pittsburgh's classy establishment 'The Cricket Lounge', a popular strip club in Pittsburgh's Oakland Burrough. When this reporter asked him about it, he replied casually 'I like Donkey Tuesday's the best'. Meanwhile, Dixon was asked about the rumor circulating Pitt's campus that he has had sexual encounters with 25% of Pitt's 20,000 Undergrads. Dixon answered even more casually 'No Comment. But you know what those shirts say...'Diamonds are nice and so are pearls, but nothing beats Pittsburgh girls'. Please draw your own assumptions on this category.
VICTOR: Dixon (Because anything called 'Donkey Tuesday's' can't possibly be a good decision...)

So, as you are watching the Pitt vs. UCLA game and rooting for your favorite, please remember these three categories. Choose wisely.

P-I-T-T Let's go Pitt. There's a reason Howland doesn't coach Pittsburgh any more...we don't want his hairless ass.

2 Responses to “3 Reasons Why Jamie Dixon is Better Than Ben Howland...”

  1. # Blogger Jason Cramer

    Don't forget that Ben Howland Razor Ramoned his Dad off a ladder.  

  2. # Blogger Maximis

    And that his dad really enjoyed it...Best experience of his life...  

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