Possible Career Moves for Newly Unemployed David Carr

So its been a rough week for now dissmissed Texans QB David Carr. First, the Texans traded for FALCONS BACKUP QB Matt Schaub, and Carr found himself out of a starting job. Now, to add insult to injury, just a day after the trade the Texans cut Carr.

What will he do now??? He was sacked approximately 345,473 times in his short tenure as the Texans inaugural play caller, so we know that only about 4% of his brain power remains. Hmm...kinda limits the options. I compare him to a sex offender or a convicted embezzler...any service involving money equals a no go. So now, let's look at Carr's potential job options:

1) Oakland Raiders Starting Quarterback: Well, they released Aaron Brooks, and with a coach with 0 past experience (Lane Kifflin), Carr immediately comes to mind. And hey, for a clinically retarded 27 year old, Carr has to be somewhere at the top of the list for the starting job in Oakland. Interview quick Raiders staff, Carr won't be on the table for long! Hot Commodity! Fantasy Football Fave!

2) Farmhand: Well, you know, he's already in Texas...so there's a lot of farmers there already right? And with muscles like Carr's, why not lay down some hay? Maybe pick some corn? I hear people with 15% brain power or less do great at manual labor jobs, and what better than adding to the U.S. economy of obese, voracious Americans?

3) Nurse: Carr already spent 5 years fostering a new team from the womb to terrible bottom of the league status, so what better role for Carr than that of nurturer? Rest assured that all patients at Sacred Heart hospital will rest a little easier knowing that Lil' Davey is waiting in the wings ready to feed them their mashed bananas or give them a 'special' sponge bath...Nurse Carr sounds like it'd work out great.

So David, there ya go, 3 perfect options for you. Enjoy. Personally, I'm really hoping you get the Oakland job, because for someone to lose all mental capabilities after just 6 years in the league would surely put you in the Guiness Book of World Records. Enjoy the job hunt, and hey, if we don't see ya around, enjoy the comparisons to Ryan Leaf. It's been fun David, really, the pleasure is all ours.

1 Responses to “Possible Career Moves for Newly Unemployed David Carr”

  1. # Blogger Freshman

    I fully expect for Carr to do to the Texans front office what Byrne and I planned to do to that fucking Tedco building.  

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