1. "The only place Eddie Johnson can succeed is Kansas City." Eric Wynalda said this during the Guatemala friendly and posited it in such a way that he actually came to this conclusion before Johnson's move from FC Dallas. Was the Metroplex's barbecue just not good enough for Johnson to thrive? Is he allergic to cattle? Does he confuse Dirk and Mr. Boogedy? The way he spoke about it reminded me of the guys in Menace 2 Society who want to move to Nebraska with their football-playing friend to get out of the hood. Did you hear that Wynalda? You're horrifying commentary reminded me of a subpar early-nineties psuedo-blaxploitation movie. I hate you and your ass face.

2. To the Soccernista, who asked for any reason why we shouldn't send the MLS-ers to the Gold Cup and let the big boys handle the Copa America, I give you U.S. - Guatemala.

3. Is anyone other than me way more pumped for Fred on D.C. United than Beckham on the Galaxia? The most inappropriatly nicknamed Brazilian of all time? C'MON!

4. Mr. Boogedy was the villian in a pair of 80's made-for-Disney Channel Movies (Mr. Boogedy and Bride of Boogedy) that scared the ever-living shit out of me as a kid. I also believe he was a pilgrim. Furthermore, these two movies were half my family's video collection, the other half being the majority of Star Wars and Return of the Jedi, which were also taped off the Disney Channel during free preview month. This entry is rather long, so join me as we arbitratily skip to another numeral here.

5. My parents absolute refusal to own DVDs or VHS tapes survives to this day, as they have systematically lost every DVD or VHS they have ever owned and, most recently, the DVD player itself. Even more mysteriously, we still have the VCR my parents bought in the early eighties, although it no longer records and occasionally eats tapes. I swear to God they kept getting it repaired until about ten years ago, sometimes paying upwards of fifty dollars a pop, not out of nostalgia (or something of nostalgia's ilk) but out of the belief that repairing something is invariably cheaper than buying a new one. Seems it's a tad tricky to find a VCR repairman these days. On a completly unrelated note, I've definitly spent more money repairing my 1992 Volvo (which is now officially Frankencar) than it cost me to buy it from that wily Nigerian rascal who worked at the dealership.

6. If anyone knows how to DataMerge a Word document and Excel file on a Mac, I would be very grateful if you told me so I can get back to work.

7. Never mind, I figured it out.