Lo! I have returned to the blogging depths, anew, like a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of Arizona! Brief update: since my last post, I've moved to a small city in South Korea and not posted one single time. Since I have neither the inclination nor the inclination to start up a new blog, I will instead simply cannibalize Forty Minutes and use it for my own dastardly means. I will blog about Korea.
This blog will contain many things: humorous anecdotes about the life of a weyguk in Korea, rage-filled anecdotes about the life of a weyguk in Korea, and the occasional lazily-researched insight into the culture of the Land of the Morning Calm. Also, it will include many, many typos because I will be fucked if I'm going to proofread any of this. Also, there will be cake.*
Some quick hits on Iksan, South Korea:

1. A city of 100,000 or so two hours south of Seoul by bullet train, or according to my recruiter, a city of 300,000 one hour south of Seoul. Potato, poTAto.

2. Most famous for being blown to fuck-all when a security guard fell asleep while smoking a cigarette. He was guarding a trainload of explosives. It blew up a third of the city, but hey, we got a shiny new train station out of it! Dae Han Min Guk!

3. Is home to roughly 50 weyguks (foreigners).

4. Has an ancient temple complex right outside town named Mireuksaji. Note: This is not impressive.

I'll stop there because I have grown bored of the list format. I guess now is a good time to tell you there will be a serious lack of pictures on this blog, as I didn't buy a camera until I had been here about four months. Then, I left it at a friend's apartment in Daegu. Now, it currently resides in the possession of someone from Chaing Mai, Thailand (or someone who happened to be in Chaing Mai at the same time as me). To help shed some light on this mysterious catastrofuck, I will relate the few events that I actually recall from that fateful night, in the much-dreaded list form:

1. I was leaving a dance club because I felt uncomfortable. Why, do you ask? Hold your goddamn horses, I answer. Besides Byrne and a Thai waitress who, I must emphasize for reasons that will not be discussed, was most certainly not a hooker, I was surrounded by Thai prostitutes, sex-pats and the occasional scary-looking pimp/bouncer.

2. I helped organize a protest against a man who was trying to bring an elephant into a bar. He won.

3. I yelled "I'm a doctor of journalism!" at an angry madame, who did nothing to help my confusion at how the the Western Union that I had changed money at that afternoon was now a brothel. I realized later the Western Union was about two blocks away. My mistake.

4. I took a piss in an alleyway, and no, I'm not proud of it. Or am I? Fuck off, it was like four in the morning.

That's it. In the morning, no camera. Anyways, since apparantly list-day here at 40 minutes (actually, it's closer to fifty due to the strength of the Korean bun against the American minute), I'll rattle off a few of my favorite quotes I've heard since I've been here, absolutely context-free. Fun game: try to guess which ones are from Koreans and which ones from foreigners:

"All I remember is riding my bike with one hand because I was trying to hold the blood in."

"Only a whore smokes in public."

"Come, I want you to meet my first mistress."

"If it wasn't for us, all of you would be speaking Japanese!" (actually much, much worse in context)

"You are Texas to me!"

"If we're going to go that far, you're going to have to put on a helmet."

"I think I'm going to do heroin in when I get there."

That's enough, off the top of my head. Can you tell that I'm typing this because I'm avoiding something else? On that note, it's probably time for me to start winding down. I can't promise all the entries won't be this long, although I can promise they'll be more cohesive and less lazy. I plan on updating this at least once a week, as I get off work on Wednesdays a little after noon, so if I don't do something productive then I'll lose my last remaining shred of dignity. If anyone bugs me, like they did to Byrne, about not posting often enough then this blog may very well go the way of his blog or 40 minutes of hell, the sports blog. So don't. Keep that shit to yourself.

Annyongi kaseyo.





*(There will be no cake.)