It's that time of the week again, in which I write about all the football I watched this weekend when I could have been doing much more important things. Like finding a job. Or not drinking.

College
In which we marvel at the length of Charlie Weis’ fly


West Virginia 31, Maryland 14

Much like last week, the game was close in the first half until WVU decided to actually play a little bit. And, much like seasons previous, Maryland regretted retracting Steve Slaton's scholarship years ago. I'm assuming couches were burned in celebration.

Penn State 45, Buffalo 24

Last week Penn St. trounced Notre Dame. This week they looked a little flat against a pretty bad Buffalo team. It's hard to say if they just couldn't get up against a small school, or if Notre Dame can make any school look amazing. I'm thinking it could be a little bit of both. Penn St. still looks like the team to beat in the Big Eleven, the only difference this week as how much worse the entire conference looks.

Texas 35, UCF 32

Wait. I thought it was USF that was supposed to be keeping teams like this on their toes. Or maybe Texas is just overrated. I'd make a joke about Colt McCoy here if I wasn't afraid of Brent Musberger punching me in the mouth.

Oklahoma 54, Utah State 3

Running up the score against terrible opponents in an attempt to vault your team over the No. 1, but failing because the only way a No. 1 drops down is if they lose a game is The New Black.

Utah 44, UCLA 6

I blame East Coast Bias. Also Global Warming.

Alabama 41, Arkansas 38

With one last-second play, Nick Saban went from potential pariah to worth some of the money he’s making. And John Parker Wilson made Rush Propst cry tears of joy. Congrats, J.P. Dub, you are not a disgrace to Alabama Football.

UAB 22, Alcorn State 0

This game was decided when Squeaky Johnson beat Steve 'Air' McNair in a fight to the death. Seriously. Check the box score.

Kentucky 40, Louisville 34

This loss really hurts the Big East conference as a whole. I mean not as badly as some of the Big Ten performances this weekend. Maybe Rutgers running over Norfolk State will impress the judges. What’s that? No, it won't? Alright then.

Florida State 16, Colorado 6

If this game wasn't so God damned boring I might not have drank so much at the bar. Maybe. But probably not.

Michigan State 17, Pittsburgh 13

Ladies and Gentlemen, the latest entry to the 2008 Heisman Race: Shady McCoy. If he knew how to throw, Pitt wouldn't lose another game.


The National Football League
In which I pretend people care about how I did in fantasy football


Cleveland 51, Cincinnati 45

Hey! Remember a few years ago, when Weis (the offensive "guru") left New England for Notre Dame and Crenell (the defensive "genius") left for Cleveland. Well one's team doesn't have an offensive TD this season and the other just gave up 45 points. The good news? At least the Browns won their game. The other good news? The Steelers are in the drivers seat in this division.

Jacksonville 13, Atlanta 7

Seriously, what's the over/under on the amount of "The Falcons are who we thought they were" jokes that were made across the country on Sunday? It's got to be around 2,100 right?

Houston 34, Carolina 21

There was plenty of room on the Matt Schaub bandwagon when he was playing in place of Vick a few years ago. And now when I look around I see a few new faces and a lot of empty seats. C'mon folks, it's going to start filling up fast. Better hop on now before it's too late. I know Freshman and I have had our seats picked out for a long time, but there's still some room up here in the front. Have I driven this "driving the bandwagon" thing into the ground yet? Good, moving on...

Tampa Bay 31, New Orleans 14

Hey, people jumping off the Saints bus. Are you looking for a new bandwagon? Might I interest you in a Matt Schaub? Ok, ok, I'll stop now.

Indianapolis 22, Tennessee 20

If the NFL has proven one thing and one thing alone it's that White QB always beats Black QB. Always.

Detroit 20, Minnesota 17

The Detroit Lions are 2-0. Let me repeat: The Detroit Lions are 2-0. So, a note to those cellar dwellers out there: keep drafting wide receivers. Even if logic dictates that you shouldn’t because your organization has become a laughing stock and you’ve drafted receivers for the better part of a decade, just hold on. You're almost there! A few more receivers and you'll be the belle of the ball.

Baltimore 20, New York Football Jets 13

Mark it down. The 2007-2008 NFL Season will be remembered for one thing and one thing alone: Kyle Boller's Break Out Year.

New England 38, San Diego 14

One team cheated this year! One team cheated last year! ZZZZZZZZZZZ....

New York 4, Boston 3

Ahhhhh. That's better. Thanks, Derek.

Next Week: Is it time for the NHL yet?