Monday Morning Cornerback: We're Talkin' Football

See what I did there? It's a play on words. The kids love that stuff. Anyway here's a recap of what happened this weekend in the only sport that America cares about. You'll be more than hard-pressed to find one of these babies on the information superhighway.

College, in which most Top 25 teams didn't look very good at all

LSU 48, Virginia Tech 7

"Now I'm rooting for Virginia Tech, but..." might have been the most widely used sentence this weekend. A tragedy occurred on campus, so for some reason you're not allowed to root against a football team that has nothing to do with what happened. Personally, I could watch them lose every game for the rest of the season, but that's just me. The real story here is LSU. Sure, Va Tech was overrated at No. 9 (they always are), but LSU looks like the best team in the country. Just don't expect them to hop perennial No. 1 USC any time soon.

Oregon 29, Michigan 7


Also, look for this to be the start of overrating the Pac 10, the knee jerk reaction of the media when being accused of "East Coast Bias."

Penn State 31, Notre Dame 10

What should have been a blow out was kept close by some bad play calling on the part of the Penn State offense and one QB who refuses to look off his receiver and will routinely throw into double- and triple-coverage. The Lion's defense, however, looks to be one of the best in the country. Notre Dame (now 0-2) can look at freshman QB Jimmy Clausen's performance as a sign of good things to come, but they'll probably just bitch about Weis, less than a year after crowning him King of Football.

Oklahoma 51, Miami (FL) 13

Pretty much the same as the LSU - Va Tech game, except this win looks less impressive on paper because Miami wasn't ranked. Why was it that no one wanted that Miami job again?

Washington 24, Boise State 10

The Nation's longest winning-streak ends at 14 with this Boise State loss. The dream is now dead.

South Florida 26, Auburn 23

USF fulfills their annual "upset" early this year with a big win at Auburn. The Big East juggernaut continues to roll on this season, with the conference standing at 14-2, with those two loses being attributed to Syracuse alone. Look out, Division 1 (formerly) Single A!

Pittsburgh 34, Grambling State 10


The National Football League, in which the NFL begins photoshopping Peyton Manning's head onto every other quarterback

Green Bay 16, Philadelphia 13

Green Bay shouldn’t have even been in this game, let alone taking the win away from Philly. Poor in game decisions, a sub-par performance from McNabb, and special team mishaps sealed the deal in this one. The Eagles' 2006 season was ended by one of the worst decisions to punt I have ever seen. It only seems fitting that they loose their 2007 opener because of a punt as well. Expect this to be the season where someone in the greater Philly area finally snaps and goes after McNabb with a knife.

Pittsburgh 34, Cleveland 7

It took the Browns less than a half to make their first QB switch of the season. Don't anticipate it being the last. Meanwhile they could also use some help on defense, their running game, receiving, and - fuck it, why not - special teams too. That is to say, this isn't a very good team. On the other side of the ball, the Stillers looked pretty sharp, with Roethlisberger throwing for 161 yards and a whopping four TDs. Although, as I said, this was more of a warm up than it was a showcase of how well the 2007 Steely McBeams look.

Minnesota 24, Atlanta 3

A lot of people tried to talk themselves into the Falcons team. Harrington getting (another) fresh start. A new coach. A team trying to get beyond The Amazing Adventures of The Family Vick. And, of course, the ever popular "Ewing Theory." Then they took the field and looked exactly how they should look. This might very well get worse in Atlanta before it gets any better.

New England 38, New York Football Jets 14

And Pennington goes down! Who had Week 1 in the office pool? Meanwhile it looks like the Brady/Moss connection is a hit in New England. Ronnie, the crazy alcoholic at the end of the bar, was sour on how Moss would do this season, and Randy made him look like a fool. Which is funny, because it's usually Ronnie's hat that does that.

Detroit 36, Oakland 21

The Raider's lone bright spot last season - their defense - just gave up 36 points to the Detroit Lions. Uh oh.

Houston 20, Kansas 3

Dallas 45, New York Football Giants 35

It seems all is forgiven in Dallas (excluding Drew Bledsoe, of course) as Tony Romo lit up the G-Men on Sunday Night is Football Night. Neither defense in this game looked particularly impressive, which is why this was the highest scoring affair in Cowboys-Giants history. The major story coming out of this game is the amount of injuries the Giants sustained, losing three starters. Ouch. Well at least it looks like Jared Lorenzen lost some weight.

Next Week: The Charlie Weis/Lloyd Carr DEATHMATCH!

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