The Greatest Person Ever

So, we haven't been updating around here quite as often. Not a whole lot of news going on, and the little of it that is coming out is just depressing:

Will Mike Vick play again? I don't know. Maybe. Probably not if he goes to jail, but you can't keep him out of the league if he walks.

Barry Bonds is on his way to breaking the Home Run Record, which is making many, many people very angry for a reason I can't quite understand. Yeah, he probably cheated. But so did a lot of people. Most likely including a bunch of pitchers he took yard, too.

The NBA is fixed! We wuz robbed! At least this will help bring focus to a group of people who are all terrible at their collective job.

As for Major League Baseball? We're in the dog days, a few deals happened at the deadline, not a whole lot going on. The Cubs look good. The D'Backs have been playing well, and I'm going to stop writing before I mention the play of a certain twenty-six-time world champion and I go McCarver on them.

This post isn't about the depressing side of sports over the last few weeks. This post is about the good side of sports, the fun side of sports, I speak, of course, about Agent Zero, and his party time NBA blog. If you haven't been keeping up, here are some things you missed:

  • He is trying to knock down 100,000 baskets over a 73-day span. He's almost one-fifth of the way there, after almost two weeks
  • He feels that the U.S. Under-21 Men's Basketball Team does not look as if they are under 21 years of age
  • He's got his shot back, but he compares his ability to jump right now to the vertical leaping ability of Chucky Atkins
  • He still holds a grudge, of sorts, against Duke for defeating his Arizona Wildcats and thus winning the NCAA Championship when he was in college
  • DeShawn Stevenson is officially Gilbert's "Partner in Swag"
  • He feels his teammates are getting silly haircuts, but that's fine by him.
  • He has been named one of the 50 Best Latino Athletes
  • He once drove a rental car into the Hudson river just to practice escaping
  • And, finally, he doesn't believe in shark attacks
I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

So there you have it: the thoughts of the greatest person in history. Now we can go back to bashing Mike Vick, the NBA, Barry Bonds, cycling, soccer, the pinch hitter, hot dogs filled with cheese and anything else we can possibly be upset by for no apparent reason. Hooray!

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