Sweet kimchi Jesus, it's been a long time since I've updated this. This has something to do with the fact that I do not own a functioning computer and Blogger is one of three sites that the Jeonbuk Education safe-search fuckgram actually blocks. The other two? The New Yorker and SportsbyBrooks. You figure that out.
There are a couple noteworthy things that I've experienced, but most don't warrant their own post, so we'll dispose of them right now: I've had the best meal I've had the entire time I've been in Korea (a sultry wench that goes by the name Dakdori Tang), witnessed the Rev. Kilimanjaro's triumphant victory over his nemesis, the evil, thieving, and above all Korean, Ten-Dollar, and been considerably creeped out by this website.

Somewhere in there (and pretending to work, no less!) I found time to attend my first K-League soccer game, which our beloved hometown Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors lost 3-0 to the buggering infidels of Daegu FC, due in large part to the fat Brazilian fuck that can be found on the lower right of this page. I speak in all honesty when I say I wish this man was dead. His entire game appears to be falling down and yelling at the refs, which is funny, because THEY'RE FUCKING KOREAN. I may have been drunk by the time he got in the game, and yes, I was drunk by the time he got in the game, but I have never seen a lazier person ever. Despite the number of crosses aimed his way, he never jumped. On the other hand, the sex machine found directly above him on the same page is a Macedonian so badass that the Korean translation of his name is "Stevo." I've always wondered how Koreans would handle one of those eastern European names with a severe dearth of vowels, and the answer is apparently "catastrophically," since when said out loud, it sounds like this: "Suh-Tee-Bo."

So this brings us to the subject of today's post, Yeosan Elementary's ever-exciting "fire festival." It has a simpler, less awesome name, but that was the way it was described to me at first, and I accepted it until I learned it's true meaning during my second class, which every other week would have been my third class. Confusing? Damn skippy, so let's start at the beginning.

On my typical Thursday, I arrive at school a little before nine and slightly more disoriented, as Wednesday is poker night so I don't get to sleep before one. This particular Thursday, I was upon arrival that there was a "fire festival" and that my classes would be rearranged to accomodate it. Normally I have the first class off to dick around on the internet (not, however, on Blogger) and I start teaching at 9:50. Today I was informed that I would teach classes 1,2 and 3 rather than 2, 3 and 4. This was pitched as a positive thing, as I would finish earlier. Although this is true, it is also true that Yeosan is forty-five minutes outside of town and the bus doesn't leave until after lunch, so I would get home at the same time anyway. Anyways, this is beside the point.

Here's where it gets confusing again, my third class would be moved to the first time block, the second to the third and the third to the second. Furthermore, the third class (which is now in the first time block) would not have English class today, as they would need the first time block to prepare for the increasingly-awesome sounding "fire festival." I am actually simplifying the way this was explained to me at 8:40 this morning. I personally would have said it this way: "...." That is, I would have said NOTHING because all that happened was they switched two classes for no sane fucking reason and I would never have noticed anyway! Did I mention this is the same school where the kids taekwondoe the shit out of each other between every class? And someone always, ALWAYS, hurts themselves and the teachers berate the poor bastard who got kicked in the face while everyone points and laughs at him? All I'm saying is they're running a top-notch organization out there. Every goddamn day.

So, my second class rolls around and I'm informed that the "fire festival" will start at 11:00. Some guy is building a pile of firewood and underbrush about ten feet in front of the school's entrance. Needless to say, I'm excited and contemplating how I can accidentally help a kid or two into the raging (dare I say towering?
) inferno.

Then I found out it was a fire drill.

Let that sink in, and then go back and re-read the section about how everyone had class off for the first period so that they could practice. For a drill.

Of course, we couldn't pretend to run while crouching awkwardly and covering our mouths without a real fire, so the principal took it upon himself to light the aforementioned pile of flammable material to give the whole production that little je ne se qua that your average, run-of-the-mill fire drill usually lacks. We then sat in lines outside while the vice principal stood behind the fire, shouting into a bullhorn. She would continue in this manner for the next twenty minutes while the following things transpired:

1. A pair of teachers attempt to put out the blaze with fire extinguishers but fail miserably.

2. A tiny fireman almost gets lifted off the ground, Little Rascals-style, while wrangling with a fire hose as he finishes off the flames.

3. Another teacher and a fifth-grade boy sprint into the school carrying a stretcher. When they come out, they've strapped a little girl to it, who they then load into the ambulance that came along with the fire truck. The ambulance drives, sirens blaring, about thirty feet. The girl gets out and carries the stretcher back to the podium. Just like in real life.

Afterwards, the principal, grinning happily from ear to ear, asked me if I was impressed. I told him yes, but I don't think it was in the same sense that he asked me.

Labels: giant hairy man balls, large beers, love

[Editor's Note: Cleaned up because Quinn can't write]


Hello all,

I am in L.A. well actually the OC on business for the week but I am thinking of it as more of a baseball roadtrip, which rocks. Anyways I attended the Angels-Dodgers Crosstown Rival Weekend game on Saturday evening at Anaheim Stadium and I was pretty impressed with the park and the atmosphere.

Anaheim Stadium or the Big A, as its know because of the large red steel structure outside the right field wall. The structure no longer houses a score board nor faces the field due to the renovations on the stadium from when it housed the LA Rams. The Manager claims earthquake stability reasons?!? But it's still a cool defining feature of a stadium that is homey for its size.

I had to work until 4:45 and the game had an odd 6:05 start time which was never explained. Anyways I arrived at the gate around 5:35 with no tickets with a Dutch kid who was 23 and never been to America or a ball game. Now everything I had heard or read about Angels' game said "no tickets, no problem" but of course this was Angels/Dodgers and it was sold out. California has strict no scalping rules, so we wandered backwards from the main gate that has a great entrance (more later) into a parking lot that was surrounded by concrete walls which had loads of smoke rising from it and a constant stream of people coming from the gate. The other side of the wall contained a packed lot of coolers, grills, and rowdy 20 somethings tailgating up a storm. It was sweet! The Dutchman was amazed and impressed. There was a hot dog stand complete with hot dog guy in and Angels jersey that said "hot dog guy" across the shoulders. Tickets were scant but at the back corner after many "no's" and plentiful offers of beers to ease the pain we found a pair of tickets in left field along the third base line. They were front row of the upper deck and not a bad find for 20 bucks a pop.

Back to the stadium. The home plate entrance to the Big A is great, with two giant Angels' caps (New Era size 639 and a half) that bracket the front walkway which features a baseball diamond laid out in bricks which feature light up bases and pitcher's rubber as well as bricks at each positions (including the right handed batter's box for the DH) listing the starting player for each Opening Day from 1964 to 2007. Pretty cool. The inside is nice for a stadium with a capacity of 44,280. The interior of Anaheim Stadium was increased to 68,000 for the LA rams for like 6 years and then re-done in 1998 by the new cookie cutter "throwback" park architects KOH. The park looks good with sight lines to the San Fernando mountains and quite the display (on days when it isn't too smoggy) in center field. The fake rocks combined with waterfalls and a Corona Beach ad would be pretty cool if the rocks were A) real and B) they gave away passes to sit in the giant Corona Beach chairs every game. The large score board in right field is tall with grand stands above it reminiscent of PNC Park but just digital scores and no pitching info. The sight lines from most seats in the front few upper deck rows were good and seemed to be nice from all seats below there.

As for the crowd: they really brought it for this series! The Dodgers' fans showed up in full force and my accompanying Dutchman's first comment upon taking our seats was: "They let the reds and blues sit together? They would never ever allow that in futbal!" The game proved a perfect arena for some good natured yelling. [Editor's Note: COMANAYEEAAAHAAA!] It was a back-and-forth 3-2 game until the Angels blew it open in the bottom of the 7th with four hard earned runs. Hendericks pitched pretty well for the Dodgers and young Jared Weaver turned in an 8-inning gem for the Halos.

The Dodgers' fans made themselves known but Angels' fans fought back. There seemed to be strong contention added to the rivalry since the Angels' name change and neither side seemed to agree with the decision, as neither side wanted any association with the other. Though in true LA style the choosing sides was described to me as solely based on colors.

Me: "So is the Angels-Dodgers' rivalry a North/South or East/West thing?"
Guy Who Sold Me Tickets: "It's an East/West thing."
Guy's Friend: "No, it's a North/South thing."
Guy Who Sold Me Tickets: "Really it's all about color red or blue, just like everything in LA."
Me: "gangs?"
Guy Who Sold Me Tickets: "No just everything..."

So, I have no idea what the hell that meant.

Anyways the Dutchman's review of the game: "I liked the second half better." I have no idea what constitutes the second half of a game but the hollering did increase three-fold as the game went on and sweep possibilities were raised. The stadium was very nice and the crowd really cranked it up a notch. I was pretty impressed by a park which was a NFL field of 68,000 at one point. I would say it could make the top half of the MLB and top of the stadiums in baseball.

A few other points: [Editor's Note: Quinn's Audition for Zagat's]

Beer and food was not too impressive, but not cheap. The featured foods are California Pizza Kitchen and Panda Express. All the beer on tap I could find in the uppers was Bud Select @ 6.50 for 16 oz (boo), Corona bombers (22s) were available for 12 bucks and Bud and Bud Light aluminum bottles at 6.75. An all beef dog was 4 bucks and nachos were 6.

Tickets sound like they are available for all non-Dodgers and pennant race games at the door with reasonable gate prices for all tickets including field level. Around 29 bucks for baseline past the dugout and 12 bucks for uppers and bleachers. The Big A seems to have a great tail gate scene in the aforementioned concrete walled homeplate lot and behind center field where the over sized parking is.


Next: Chavez Ravine and some Dodger Dogs. See ya soon.

Labels: angels, ballparks, baseball, dutch men, love, reviews, roadtrip